7 Secrets Of A Confident Woman

The Real Single Moms Club started the year (2015) reading The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer. I would like to share Chapter 4, The Seven Secrets of A Confident Woman. I’ve located a recent video of her teaching on these secrets. Until you can read the book, I encourage you to take some time (an hour) to listen to the video

The 7 Secrets of a Confident Woman are:

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“Finding your Purpose!”

So there’s all this hype about “finding your purpose” and it’s said that everyone is born with gifts and talents. Well I searched and searched for over 35 years, never coming up with one thing. Do you sew? No! Bake? No! Ok maybe you love doing hair? Make Up? Sports? Dance? No! No! No! No! Ok maybe you were blessed with a musical talent? Huge No!! My friend finally says, You should write a book about your life! O Hell No! No way would I air my dirty laundry. My business remains my business. So now I’m left thinking, “Did God skip over me as he was handing out gifts and talents?” Or maybe I just don’t have a purpose. My mother tried her best to help us discover (possible) hidden talents. After years of being forced to play the piano, I took the first out when given the opportunity. You’d swear my sister was the young Martha Stewart, she cooked, she could do her own hair, she even baked and decorated cakes! Then, here comes my brother a true athlete. And after my sister and I felt tortured after taking all these music lessons, he comes along and is a natural born musician. Yep, no lessons needed! LOL So now you see why I felt like I missed out? I was the oldest and the only one without a talent!!

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Single Moms: Make The Best Out Of A Little

I recently read an article saying that quality trumps quantity, when comparing time with kids. Single Moms are, at least we think so, successful multitaskers (well all moms are). But now that we’ve included the quality time snatcher, Social Media, there’s no such thing as giving someone your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION! I remember my daughter was in middle school when I really started noticing her demand for more of my attention. Or maybe it was just me wanting to dig in her business more at that age. After I missed something she was trying to tell me because I was on the phone, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t get on the phone after I picked her up in the evenings, that ride would be totally dedicated to her because I knew the chaos would begin once we got home. With about 2 hours to spare after practice, for homework, bath time, dinner and bedtime. So the BEST TIME I had for QUALITY TIME was in the car.

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The Power of A Praying Mother

It’s been 17 days and although 17 days is less than 3 weeks but right at 2.5, it seems like 3 months when your child is 6 hours away and she’s been unhappy 16 out of those 17 days.  Everyone thought we would nearly go into depression when she left for college last year, but to be honest we did well.  There was a few moments of “I miss you” and “Mom I think I’m just going to come home”  but it was never anything that Mom couldn’t coach her through.  But what do you do when your child is on campus and her only issue is “residence life”?  No she’s not living on the street.  Thank God! but for 16 days she’s been uncomfortable where she’s living, she’s moved once (first 10 days) due to some mechanical issues in the room and now for the last 7 days she’s been dealing with a negative roommate.  In one of my emails I wrote, “it’s been 4 days and they haven’t said 4 words but yet this young lady is making it clear to everyone that “she doesn’t F with her roommate”.  and then with all of this I’m told Key can move into a single room but there would be an additional charge each semester!  So without going any further, Yall know I was upset right? I’ve got to pay for inconvenience?

If you would, Allow me to take this deeper, we are dealing with an attack from the enemy, a spiritual war.  In order for the two of us to call it out, we had to be educated on satans purpose so we could be aware of the enemies tricks.  (For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Eph 6:12))  My daughter asked me just out of frustration “Why me?”.  See she already knew the answer but I had to remind her because the “enemy sees the calling on your life, he wants to take you down early”.  Unfortunately for believers walking in the world, we are operating on satans territory everyday. We are in prison (Eph 6:20) So everyday we are in a fight, Literally!  See my daughter and this girl were texting just fine BUT when they met face to face for the first time, something raised up inside of her and began to attack my daughter.  This hateful attitude was so disrespectful that it didn’t matter who was in her way, she said if it had to do with her roommate “she wasn’t compromising”.

I had to notice how consumed I had gotten with this situation, from fussing & cussing about it all day, threatening to go to the school and clown the student and the administration, threatening to use my social media influence, sending emails, phone calls…. But it wasn’t until last night that I said, “I’ve got to get back grounded”. Then this morning at 530 I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind but as I was praying “God you’ve got to fix it” God said “you’ve got to get back grounded, you can’t fight if you’re distracted”!  See the enemy used this as a distraction for me and my daughter.  I am a Praying Mother but my POWER was weakened due to the distractions.  My energy was  being drained by the consumption of it. Why in the world was one thing happening after another?  One of my emails said “this has gone from one extreme to another”.  But the enemy knew to keep this issue ongoing and I would get angrier and angrier (more so because I wasn’t physically there with my baby) and my daughter would become more and more frustrated and really begin to question God. Wow this is deep!

So now what will I do to get us back grounded?

  1. Recognize that there is a war going on.  When those spirits came into contact with each other, the war began.
  2. Be Still, Be Quiet and Be Strong!  Let Go and Trust God  to fight the battle.  (Ephesians 6:10) As Mom I wanted to get there, but she kept telling me No. Funny my Dad has been able to be there twice, because of timing he was passing through. So that was great comfort.
  3. We must Suit Up for War, Put on the Armor of God.   Ephesians 6:14-17
  4. Pray at all times Ephesians 6:18
  5. Be Bold, Be Fearless about speaking of the gospel. Ephesians 6:19
  6. Believe that in all things God works for the good of those that love the lord and are called for his purpose! Romans 8:28

In closing this morning I would just like to add, I feel so much better now that I have gotten grounded.  I am now able to get back focused and not feeling like I can’t function because I need to be heard in my absence. I am no longer allowing the enemy to use me.  I am at peace knowing God is at Dillard University fighting this battle! I also declare that because of this lesson, today will be the last day of war!

Armore of God

Follow me on social media @shananaylor

 

 

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My Journal Entry

Jan 23, 2014 My journey to empty nesting!

It’s 2014 graduation year and Reality has landed on my door step. Our daily conversations have moved from what college do you want to go to…to where have you applied? From omg I can’t wait for prom to OMG PROM is in 3 months! The excitement but yet the pain.  See I took the non-traditional route, a teenage mother first. At 18 a freshmen in college my life quickly changed. I went from living the college life to living a life for me and my babygirl.  Despite 2 short marriages, it’s been just the 2 of us.  My everyday was centered around her and her busy schedule. We had a mutual calendar to make sure I could keep up. Everyday we talk about her day, she calls me when something exciting happens and even when she’s had the worst day ever.  She says mom I just need to hear your voice, you always make it better.
Now she’s 18 and graduation is in 4 months.  I sit here wondering what happens when she leaves? She’s my little assistant, she’s my best friend, she’s my prayer partner, she’s my ride or die chic. I didn’t think it would be this hard for me, as a matter of fact I’m super excited for her and the life experiences she’s about have.  She’s about to live on campus, meet new friends, go to parties, travel… dorm life was the funniest days of my life. So I cant wait for her to experience that…but…Will she call me everyday to tell me how much fun she had or will she get so caught up in her life that she forgets about Mommy? What will those new friends look like, what kind of upbringing are they from? O my as the tears roll down my face, I didn’t think this would happen so fast…Now what?

May 31, 2015
I ran across this entry today, I can’t believe it’s been a year since graduation. I talked to a friend that said she’s very

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My Big Win In Vegas

I was so excited to see the night lights, hotels with shopping malls, show girls and drunk people! Yes my first trip to Las Vegas! I’m not a gambler so the casinos didn’t interest me much but I did sit down to learn the game of Roulette. While I was sitting there at the table “playing it safe”, my friend said “you can never win if you don’t take chances”. While that didn’t encourage me to bet more of my money, it did encourage me to take more chances in life.

I have just been “playing it safe” staying in my comfort zone but waiting on this miraculous win! As a Single Mom we find ourselves not wanting to take chances because we still have mouths to feed. So we sit on the sidelines never building our empire but we help someone else that decided to take a chance, build theirs.

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What Did You Learn This Mother’s Day?

Is Mother’s Day the day you kick back and make it all about you? Did you have a long list of gifts for the kids to buy? Or did you just say today I just want peace and quiet? Whatever you did on Mother’s Day, I hope you made it your intention to “take some time for you” and not just on one day. Every day we should just take a few minutes to digress, even if it’s just for 15 minutes. Take that 15 minutes and just inhale and exhale, get a grip on your day and free your mind.

This year my Mother’s Day weekend was full of amazing events in Houston. Not only did I have my daughter home for the summer to enjoy this weekend with me but I was also supporting other women that are doing some great things in the city. Friday night, I had the opportunity to give the commencement speech for Everest Institute. It literally felt like I was Momma Bear and encouraging my babies “to not let fear keep them from living on purpose”.   Although I must say fear almost kept me from giving this speech, I am grateful it didn’t because once you face the fear head on, the situation doesn’t seem so bad looking back at it.

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I Found My Time Capsule

Have you ever wanted to reverse time? Well this weekend, I’d like to say, I had the opportunity to do that. I picked up where I left off 20 years ago. I had the opportunity to stay in my daughter’s dorm for 2 nights and hang out with her college friends. It wasn’t bad, my only complaint was having to remember to take the tissue to the restroom every time I went in. Other than that, I had a great time. You know they say, you’re only as old as you think you are. Well let’s just say, in my mind, I fit right in. (Laughing) My daughter would definitely say differently! It was just like I remembered. Some of my best days were during this time.   I mean what’s not to like about college life? Friends, Fun and Freedom on your parents Finances! But I must say my daughter has a pretty good set of friends, they have fun, they attend chapel together and they are all dedicated to being successful and being the difference.

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Why Did I Get Married?

Do you ever pray this prayer, Lord this just isn’t fair? Why do I have to be the responsible one? I need you to send me some good help that can take some of this load off me! I make my own money, so I don’t need him for that. (Sidebar Lord- But he has to have a job, preferably making more than me) I need him to help me make some life decisions. It would even be helpful if he could drop her off at one of these practices, so I can just make it to the nail shop. Lord you said all I had to do was ask and it shall be done. AMEN

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Blue Monday

How can 1 day be the “Most Depressing Day of the Year”? The plans of turning over a new leaf at the beginning of the year can be really exciting for some, but for others, it’s a reminder of passing times and sad reflections or maybe it’s the reality of having to pay off Christmas debt. Either way January can be an emotional month.

As we started approaching the end of January, I started missing things and people that were in my life this time last year. I started thinking about missed opportunities. With that, I began to isolate myself, even with my strong faith and in the midst of all the amazing things going on in my life, something was still off balance. I found myself drained, emotionally and physically, not wanting to talk, just crawling on the sofa and going to sleep earlier than usual. While I put it off on the adrenaline from back to back travel and events, oh yeah and the weather, but in my down time I’m trying to balance that and getting use to Empty Nesting, the impact of losing multiple people closest to me, the loss of relationships with people that I thought would celebrate my successes with me and the emotions of, “letting go and allowing God to be in control of Shana’s life”

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