I remember making so many life decisions based on what I thought would make other people proud of me. Then when I made a mistake, I dealt with what people thought of me. So it ended up being a revolving cycle of people pleasing. And you know 8 times out of 10 the decisions that I was making for other people ended up failing. Prime example, I thought I wanted to be a bad girl so, well, ok let’s not talk about that one yet. What about the time I thought I wanted to….Ok maybe not that one either. Man do I have some stories for yall.
For me it all started after high school, I went off to college and everyone was so proud of me. I was determined to Be Different for my family but then shortly afterwards, like the first semester, I got pregnant. I think I lived the next 16 years in guilt and embarrassment and always trying to make up for disappointing people. Making so many decisions trying to make up for previous mistakes. Once I stopped long enough to think about ME my life changed. I also realized that the reality was, I had disappointed myself. While everyone else had gotten over it, I was still stuck! So then I began the process of forgiving myself. God had already done so, people around me were making their own mistakes and really weren’t worried about mine. If they were it was only because they were miserable themselves.
In order to move forward, I had to forgive myself.
I suggest you, Get in a quiet place and write a letter to you, forgiving yourself for whatever you feel you have done to disappoint YOU (not anyone else). This may get emotional and exhausting. It’s like digging up a tree that’s been planted for years. It takes some time to get to the root. This is the root of your healing process. It is so imperative that we forgive ourselves first. Forgiveness is the first step to discovering what’s been holding you hostage
I forgive you for……..