journaling

My Journal Entry

Jan 23, 2014 My journey to empty nesting!

It’s 2014 graduation year and Reality has landed on my door step. Our daily conversations have moved from what college do you want to go to…to where have you applied? From omg I can’t wait for prom to OMG PROM is in 3 months! The excitement but yet the pain.  See I took the non-traditional route, a teenage mother first. At 18 a freshmen in college my life quickly changed. I went from living the college life to living a life for me and my babygirl.  Despite 2 short marriages, it’s been just the 2 of us.  My everyday was centered around her and her busy schedule. We had a mutual calendar to make sure I could keep up. Everyday we talk about her day, she calls me when something exciting happens and even when she’s had the worst day ever.  She says mom I just need to hear your voice, you always make it better.
Now she’s 18 and graduation is in 4 months.  I sit here wondering what happens when she leaves? She’s my little assistant, she’s my best friend, she’s my prayer partner, she’s my ride or die chic. I didn’t think it would be this hard for me, as a matter of fact I’m super excited for her and the life experiences she’s about have.  She’s about to live on campus, meet new friends, go to parties, travel… dorm life was the funniest days of my life. So I cant wait for her to experience that…but…Will she call me everyday to tell me how much fun she had or will she get so caught up in her life that she forgets about Mommy? What will those new friends look like, what kind of upbringing are they from? O my as the tears roll down my face, I didn’t think this would happen so fast…Now what?

May 31, 2015
I ran across this entry today, I can’t believe it’s been a year since graduation. I talked to a friend that said she’s very

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My Big Win In Vegas

I was so excited to see the night lights, hotels with shopping malls, show girls and drunk people! Yes my first trip to Las Vegas! I’m not a gambler so the casinos didn’t interest me much but I did sit down to learn the game of Roulette. While I was sitting there at the table “playing it safe”, my friend said “you can never win if you don’t take chances”. While that didn’t encourage me to bet more of my money, it did encourage me to take more chances in life.

I have just been “playing it safe” staying in my comfort zone but waiting on this miraculous win! As a Single Mom we find ourselves not wanting to take chances because we still have mouths to feed. So we sit on the sidelines never building our empire but we help someone else that decided to take a chance, build theirs.

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What Did You Learn This Mother’s Day?

Is Mother’s Day the day you kick back and make it all about you? Did you have a long list of gifts for the kids to buy? Or did you just say today I just want peace and quiet? Whatever you did on Mother’s Day, I hope you made it your intention to “take some time for you” and not just on one day. Every day we should just take a few minutes to digress, even if it’s just for 15 minutes. Take that 15 minutes and just inhale and exhale, get a grip on your day and free your mind.

This year my Mother’s Day weekend was full of amazing events in Houston. Not only did I have my daughter home for the summer to enjoy this weekend with me but I was also supporting other women that are doing some great things in the city. Friday night, I had the opportunity to give the commencement speech for Everest Institute. It literally felt like I was Momma Bear and encouraging my babies “to not let fear keep them from living on purpose”.   Although I must say fear almost kept me from giving this speech, I am grateful it didn’t because once you face the fear head on, the situation doesn’t seem so bad looking back at it.

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What The Hell is Dysgrasyada?

Is the saying true, sticks and stones may break bones but words will never hurt? Let me help you, no it’s not true because words do internal damage. This is why you can’t allow people to say disrespectful or hurtful things to you. We teach people how to treat us.

I received a message, I must say, I was really uneasy when I first read it. Before I could respond, I had to remember that this young lady was in a totally different country, so therefore her fight isn’t the same as our fight. In America, being labeled makes us feel insecure and I have had women to say they don’t want to be called a Single Mom. My only guess for the reasoning behind this is due to their personal feelings about the role because if you are not married, you are single and if you have a child you are a mom.

I want to share an excerpt with you from the email, “here in our country it really is a big deal if you’re a single mom of two or more they have a term for that here in our country “disgrasyada” the word is very hurtful”.

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I Found My Time Capsule

Have you ever wanted to reverse time? Well this weekend, I’d like to say, I had the opportunity to do that. I picked up where I left off 20 years ago. I had the opportunity to stay in my daughter’s dorm for 2 nights and hang out with her college friends. It wasn’t bad, my only complaint was having to remember to take the tissue to the restroom every time I went in. Other than that, I had a great time. You know they say, you’re only as old as you think you are. Well let’s just say, in my mind, I fit right in. (Laughing) My daughter would definitely say differently! It was just like I remembered. Some of my best days were during this time.   I mean what’s not to like about college life? Friends, Fun and Freedom on your parents Finances! But I must say my daughter has a pretty good set of friends, they have fun, they attend chapel together and they are all dedicated to being successful and being the difference.

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Why Did I Get Married?

Do you ever pray this prayer, Lord this just isn’t fair? Why do I have to be the responsible one? I need you to send me some good help that can take some of this load off me! I make my own money, so I don’t need him for that. (Sidebar Lord- But he has to have a job, preferably making more than me) I need him to help me make some life decisions. It would even be helpful if he could drop her off at one of these practices, so I can just make it to the nail shop. Lord you said all I had to do was ask and it shall be done. AMEN

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Blue Monday

How can 1 day be the “Most Depressing Day of the Year”? The plans of turning over a new leaf at the beginning of the year can be really exciting for some, but for others, it’s a reminder of passing times and sad reflections or maybe it’s the reality of having to pay off Christmas debt. Either way January can be an emotional month.

As we started approaching the end of January, I started missing things and people that were in my life this time last year. I started thinking about missed opportunities. With that, I began to isolate myself, even with my strong faith and in the midst of all the amazing things going on in my life, something was still off balance. I found myself drained, emotionally and physically, not wanting to talk, just crawling on the sofa and going to sleep earlier than usual. While I put it off on the adrenaline from back to back travel and events, oh yeah and the weather, but in my down time I’m trying to balance that and getting use to Empty Nesting, the impact of losing multiple people closest to me, the loss of relationships with people that I thought would celebrate my successes with me and the emotions of, “letting go and allowing God to be in control of Shana’s life”

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Yoga and A Dream Houston Experience

During the month of January, The Real Single Moms Club always takes time to create dream boards. This year we were challenged to Dream Big. We are grateful to the Heights School of Yoga for partnering with us for the second year, hosting our, Yoga and A Dream Houston Experience. Yoga instructions by HSOY owner Pam, were awesome she led the group through gentle stretches, focused breathing and guided relaxation designed to bring focused energy to the Dream Board experience.

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